Thursday, April 19, 2012


According to my dad, celebrating his 80th birthday makes him "old as dirt!"

The year my Dad was born, gas cost 10 cents a gallon, the average home price was $500 and unemployment was at a staggering 25%. Post stock market crash, it's no surprise that Dad saves everything. He learned it from his Mom.

There are many things Max is well-known for...a career in education, becoming an income tax specialist, his smile, and his early nickname of Hoot and later Mooner (I'll let you guess the origin of that one)! 

But it is Maxisms that he is most famous for! Maxisms are quaint little sayings or nuggets of wisdom that are blurted out at the appropriate or at times, inappropriate moment. For instance..."According to my wife there are only two things wrong with men, everything they say and everything they do."

All the grand kids have learned to never ever say "What?" to grandpa. He will always respond with "If you can't catch on...grease your butt and slide on!"

During long summer days and suffocating from nothing to do, my brothers and I would often ask our Dad what we could do to cure the boredom. He'd respond with "Go play in the freeway" or "Spit in a shoe and blame it on you!"

I held the party at a sweet new place in town called Herm's Inn, and had them cater.

If you haven't been!

Dad always told us "If you don't work, you don't eat."

Except today, when everyone ate and no one worked...except the caterer.


I made Dad a photo memory book of favorite things about Grandpa from the grands and the great grands.

"You're not short, the Lord just made your butt too close to the ground" another Maxism.

And..."It's better to be born lucky than to have good sense." Remember that Chet.

And Henry "Get off the table Mabel...

that dollar is for beer!" Got that dancing on the tables.

Grandpa always claims "I sure do love getting kisses from beautiful women." Especially when they are his grand daughters.

I know Max has probably heard Grandpa Max say "Get your sass in the addle" about a million times having lived next door to him for a few years.

When telling you about their little St George house he will always tell you "It's like having an affair with your neighbor's're not very proud of it, but you like it!"

These days his siblings Gwen and Terry along with their spouses will often hear him disparagingly report "My get up and go has got up and went."

 Sheri and Carter know he'll tell you "I'll do anything you can get me to."

Here is a photo of all Max's great-grand kids...along with some parental laps to hold them still. And if you ask Grandpa "Who?" He'll snap back, "What are you saying who don't live in a tree and poop through your feathers!"

Craig wrote a little tune that we all sang along to...

I met my wife long time ago, Melba is her name.
If I hadn't married her, life wouldn't be the same.
I taught my kids to work real hard, they didn't miss a beat.
That's simply 'cuz I taught em "If you don't work, you don't eat!"

Grandpa max, I'm Grandpa Max, come sing this song with me.
If you learn these farmers facts, the happier you'll be.

We always seemed to have a boat, we loved to go to Powell.
It seems there were some times down there, we really used to howl.
To help my boys grow into men, I was the troop scout master.
It seems that there were many trips, we barely missed disaster.

I've always had a tale to tell, I think it makes me hipper.
Cinderella is my favorite one, she always "Slopps her dripper."
My wife and I have wanderlust, it seems we like to roam.
We've traveled all around this land, in our faithful motor home.

My wife and I we raised our kids, seems Lisa has real class.
But there were times when Craig and Blair, were big pains in the (beep)!
Friday night was our date night, we loved to go a prancing.
It seems our all-time favorite thing, was when we went square-dancing.

I've always had wise things to say, but never used hip smack words.
I think it is important though, you don't do things "Bass ackwards".
Be sure you're not a lazy jerk, just get your oar and paddle.
I think it is important that your "Sass is in the addle."

I love to putt around my farm, my tractor is a Ford.
When I am plowing in my field, I never do get bored.
We had a dog we really loved, he was our old friend Sid.
He's follow us around the farm, and do everything we did.

I wrote this song for our dear dad, I hope he know we love him.
Be sure you try to follow him, and just be sure to hug him!

A big Happy 80th Birthday to the Octo-Grandpa!


  1. you're pretty much the best daughter ever for throwing that party!

  2. That sounds like such a great celebration!

  3. Michelle's right, you are the best daughter. And the picture of Bob's polygamist family turned out so cute!

  4. What a fabulous tribute to your Dad on his 80th. Makes me wish I knew him in person. Awesome photographs you took throughout his celebration. Happy Birthday, Max!

  5. What an amazing man. What a perfect celebration. Love this. xoxo

  6. Your dad seems like quite the character! And what a fun party you threw him! I think the picture of him when he was young (2nd picture in the post) looks a lot like your teenage son.

  7. What a happy day perfectly captured in your photos and story. Happy birthday to your dad! I love the Maxisms! Such wisdom!

  8. Looks like everything went perfectly!