What Will Be

I am the proud owner of a bright pink ipod shuffle. While there is no surprise about the color, for everyone knows I adore pink...it is the contents that might tweak your curiosity.

Just a couple of weeks before we lost her, Jocie completely re-loaded my pink shuffle in time to go skiing together. I remember cracking up laughing as song after song shuffled through the speakers in my ski helmet. Seriously...who can listen to Johnny Cash singing "Ring Of Fire" while ripping through fresh powder. She included artists from her generation like Colbie Cailet, Modest Mouse and The Black Eyed Peas. Classic hits also made the shuffle list including Michael Jackson's "Thriller", Earth Wind & Fire's "September", and "Funkytown" by Lipps Inc.

Perhaps the most ridiculous song...the album version of "Rappers Delight" by Sugarhill Gang. Do you remember that one? Some people refer to it as the first rap music, as it is nearly 15 minutes long. I can ride the lift all the way up...

"Have you ever went over a friend's house to eat
And the food just ain't no good
I mean the macaroni's soggy the peas are mushed
And the chicken tastes like wood."

and ski all the way down before the song even ends.

I haven't touched the list of songs on my pink shuffle since she loaded it almost four years ago...I can't bear to change a thing.

These days, I don't listen to it every day...instead saving it for moments of intense longing for her that cannot be satiated. In some crazy unique way, she speaks to me through the music. Inspiration for "99 Red Balloons" on the day of the monument dedication came from my little pink shuffle. Often, the lyrics are the perfect solution to my aching heart. Last week I hooked it up to my helmet again for a perfect day of skiing with Jocie.

This time it was Jennifer Terran's version of "Que Sera Sera" that sang to me.

"When I was just a little girl...I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich...And here's what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I grew up, and fell in love, I asked my lover do you love me
Will you still want me day after day, And what will make me feel free?

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

On Saturday afternoon I bought a brand new shinier and tinier iPod shuffle...it's silver. I instantly came home and loaded new favorite ski songs like "Moves Like Jagger" and "Howlin' for You".

And that's how I put that issue to rest...que sera sera!