Thirty years ago Dean and I entered our apartment as husband and wife for the very first time where our 95 year old landlord had left us a gift taped to the door. Carefully clipped, was a newspaper headline that read
"FOR GARLIC LOVERS ONLY" along with his best wishes for a long and happy life together. Dean reminded me that wasn't how I spelled my new last name in case I had forgotten. But mostly I remember how we laughed that 95 year old Arthur was so witty and clever. We giggled at the thought of him even knowing what love is at his age. Newlyweds know SO much about love right?
Fast forward thirty years...having a lot more perspective and wisdom, we escaped to the Dominican Republic to celebrate the milestone anniversary!
It's hard to believe that we have been together for that many years. I have been asked how we stay married for so long. I will tell you, I don't know exactly! But maybe it's just simply committing to STAY married.
I would never say that marriage is easy...we all know it isn't! But then achieving something worthwhile never is easy. For better or worse...the balance can seem to weigh heavy on the worse side at times. But the good times far outweigh the bad in the end.
I believe love and marriage goes through stages. The first being all about romance...it's the easiest. The fodder of Hollywood and romance novels, romantic love sells and we can't get enough of it.
The novelty of new love leads you to think about your partner night and day...idealizing everything about them. You want to spend every moment together because your brain is literally addicted to being in love.
After the dazzle of romance wears off, it's time to dig down and really get to know that person you married. I adore his passion for living and energy to start exciting new projects. And he is my number one fan when it comes to quilting or photography or anything else I love.
Living with a person day after day, year after year can be difficult. Your once idolized perfect spouse now has habits that might make you crazy like never shutting the cupboard doors (I do that), or leaving things laying around (he does that).
And let's face it, children can really complicate a marriage.
Through the years we have had moments of complete joy and perfection...
our wedding, births of each of our four children, graduations, special holidays, sunshine and powder ski days, great vacations and becoming grandparents.
But we've also had lots of imperfect moments...
sick babies with sleepless nights, worries over teenagers,
tough decisions, mistakes, employment worries...
and moments of great sorrow.
The loss of Jocie rocked our world and still leaves us unsteady.
But those moments of imperfection, hardship and sorrow, though they might be gritty and nasty and completely unbearable have helped shape our marriage and brought us closer together.
After 30 years our love is deeper and more mature. I know that unequivocally he has my back. And when I make him crazy, I know all it takes is a freshly baked pie to apologize.
Looking back...it's been an incredible 30 years being married to my sweetheart. He makes me laugh, surprises me with large Diet Cokes when I need it, and understands me like no one else can. It seems old Arthur might have known something about love after all.
